[Credit: The original article was written by @JerrySeinfeld for the @nytimes.
I simply replaced “New York” with “San Francisco” and a few other bits to make the point that this applies to our great city of San Francisco. My changes in italics]
Daniel Arnold for The New York Times
San Francisco is at the tip of a peninsula on the west coast of America. Are we part of the United States? Kind of. And this is one of the toughest times we’ve had in quite a while.
But one thing I know for sure: The last thing we need in the thick of so many challenges is some putz on Fox or on twitter wailing and whimpering, “California in 2020 is [just] a nice place to visit”.
Oh, shut up. Imagine being in a real war with this guy by your side.
Listening to him go, “I used to play chess all day. I could meet people. I could start any type of business.” Wipe your tears, wipe your butt and pull it together.
He says he knows people who have left San Francisco for Colorado, Nevada, Arizona, Texas. I have been to all of these places many, many, many times over many decades. And with all due respect and affection, Are .. You .. Kidding .. Me?!
He says Everyone’s gone for good. How the hell do you know that? You moved to Austin. No, I don’t have a place in the wine country. But I will never abandon San Francisco. Ever.
And I have been onstage at your comedy club … quite a few times. It could use a little sprucing up, if you don’t mind my saying. I wouldn’t worry about it. You can do it from Texas.
There’s some other stupid thing in the article about “bandwidth” and how San Francisco is over because everybody will “remote everything.” Guess what: Everyone hates to do this. Everyone. Hates.
You know why? There’s no energy.
Energy, attitude and personality cannot be “remoted” through even the best fiber optic lines. That’s the whole reason many of us moved to San Francisco in the first place.
You ever wonder why Silicon Valley even exists? I have always wondered, why do these people all live and work in that location? They have all this insane technology; why don’t they all just spread out wherever they want to be and connect with their devices? Because it doesn’t work, that’s why.
Real, live, inspiring human energy exists when we coagulate together in crazy places like San Francisco. Feeling sorry for yourself because you can’t go to the restaurant for a while is not the essential element of character that made San Francisco the brilliant diamond of activity it will one day be again.
You found a place in Texas? Fine. We know the sharp focus and restless, resilient creative spirit that Texas is all about. You think Rome is going away too? London? Tokyo? The Mission?
San Francisco © August 2020 - Neil Gehani
They’re not. They change. They mutate. They re-form. Because greatness is rare. And the true greatness that is San Francisco is beyond rare.
It’s unknown. Unknown anyplace outside of San Francisco.
You say San Francisco will not bounce back this time.
You will not bounce back. In your enervated, pastel-filled new life in Texas or Colorado or some container ship in international waters or a bunker in New Zealand. I hope you have a long, healthy run there. I can’t think of a more fitting retribution for your fine article.
This stupid virus will give up eventually. The same way you have.
We’re going to keep going with San Francisco if that’s all right with you. And it will sure as hell be back.
Because of all the real, kind, genuine San Franciscans who, unlike you, loved it and understood it, stayed and rebuilt it.
See you in San Francisco!
Jerry Seinfeld (@JerrySeinfeld) is a comedian who lives with his family in New York.